The Tale of the Dead Tire -Portland Bicycling Club

The Tale of the Dead Tire

Submitted by Ann Morrow

Bud’s social ride started innocently enough from Lents Park. About 25 or 30 riders rolled out for a winter ride. Cyclists had barely gotten ¼ mile into it, blissfully cruising east on Holgate, when the Zombies of the Apocalypse attacked the slower riders at the rear of the group! The results were swift and debilitating!

Okay, the reality just took a bit of a fictional turn. Maybe the actual occurrence was worse!  Stephen Bache ran over a vile nail in the bike lane, later identified as perhaps an aluminum clout nail, about 4 inches long and used for roofing, which immediately destroyed his tire.

That seemingly ended Stephen’s day of cycling. Not only that, he had ridden his bike to the ride from his house and he was now without his transportation home. Maybe he was no more than 5 miles from home but he was now afoot in Zombie Territory.

But wait! The benefit of cycling with a club or having a Zombie Survival Team is options. Stephen’s team came in the form of Barry Emmerling, Alan Coppola and Marci Ray. Stephen was quickly surrounded by these fearless superheros who jumped in without thought to their own personal wellbeing.

Now, Stephen is experienced and clever enough to travel prepared for a flat tire. But this was no mere flat tire, his tube was punctured AND his tire had 2 nasty tears within about 1 square inch.

Surrounded by his superheros the dilemma was quickly resolved. Barry and Alan both carried a spare TIRE. Yes, not just a tube, a tire. More than a few of our PWTC superheros carry an extra tire. Many report sharing it with others but rarely, if ever, needing it for their own purposes. Maybe carrying a spare tire creates some sort of force field that prevents mishaps such as Stephen had.

Alan and Barry went to work to install the new tube and spare tire. (Not that Stephen couldn’t do it himself, but when superheros come to your rescue it’s best to stand back and let them work). Alas, at the critical point of sliding those last few inches of tire onto the rim, it just wasn’t quite cooperating. Superhero Marci revealed HER secret weapon – the Tire Bead Jack!  This little device, which you club meeting attendees have seen at one of our great programs, saved the day and that reluctant tire was put into place and the group was back on the road shortly thereafter.

Many of our cycling friends travel light. They have a small 2 inch by 2 inch seat bag and carry very little with them. They may look awesome. They may be fast. But they are of very little value in a crisis such as just described. Some of you may look with some derision upon those who carry a back pack or a larger “bag” on their bike. You may question a tire stuffed into a water bottle cage. But such preparedness can get our friends (or ourselves) back on the road and having a good cycling day when all looked apocalyptic!

Think about what you might need in an emergency. Is an actual TIRE a possibility? Maybe just a boot, made out of an old tire. Maybe an Uber app?